Dry January is for Drunks

I've been doing some form of "dry January" for over a decade now. By "some form" I mean I was doing it back when it was just a normal part of a drinker's New Year's resolutions, opposed to some social media fueled trend that all the cool drunks do. 

Not to be redundant, but I've written about this before, and concluded that sobriety is overrated. I know you didn't read that article then, so I'm giving you a second chance now.

You, dear reader, might say, "if sobriety is overrated, and you're mocking people for being influenced by social media trends, why are you currently doing 'dry January' like the rest of the sheeple?"

Glad you asked, and as the title foreshadows, I do "dry January" because I'm a drunk and need to give my body a break from the perpetual toxicity I repeatedly subject it to.

https://www.foxnews.com/health/doctor-reveals-what-30-days-without-alcohol-does-brain-body-amid-dry-january

After a season of bingeing and drinking, your body may feel like it needs a break from the party.

Dry January — a modern trend that challenges people to abstain from drinking for the first month of the year — has become a popular way to "detox" from the holidays and start the new year on a healthy note.

Dr. Pinchieh Chiang, a clinician at Circle Medical in San Francisco, said that Dry January isn't a "detox," but rather provides "feedback" from the body.

"It gives the body time to show people how it feels without alcohol. For many, that insight alone changes their relationship with drinking," she said. "The biggest surprise isn’t what people give up, it’s how much better they feel."

I disagree with Dr Chiang, dry January is absolutely a detox. In fact, how is it not? Your body is literally expelling the toxins associated with alcoholism. 

Everyone knows exactly how sobriety feels, which is why they choose to drink.

As I stated in my Hello, 2026!! post, I procrastinated in starting my yearly detox, and didn't actually get started until the 3rd. However, it's not how you start the race, it's how you finish. And as of today, I'm a week into dry January.

Thanks you. Thank you. 

I've always had this weird relationship with alcohol. I assume most alcoholics do. It's the epitome of a love/hate relationship.

While I struggled this year to come up with some different resolutions for the New Year, I am slowly putting it together. My original plan was to completely abstain from habitual drinking (I love drinking beer alone, late at night, in silence; iykyk), and only drink on vacations and special occasions. I wasn't prepared to give up alcohol (mind you, "alcohol" to me just means beer; not that that's better than vodka or wine; your body metabolizes alcohol the same, regardless of what form you ingest) forever, so I compromised. I realized that making that kind of deal with myself would quickly result in me proclaiming a boring UFC fight night to be a "special occasion" and end the night lit up like a Christmas tree.

In the art of making deals with yourself, you should always be honest.

Therefore, I've decided upon adding another "dry" month to my yearly routine, instead of setting a goal that I would most certainly fail. I already do some form of "dry January" (or period of sobriety around the beginning of each year) and I have done "sober October" for at least the last 5 years, so starting this year I will add another month to the annual routine. 

In the art of setting goals for yourself, never set yourself up for failure. 

If you're 300 pounds and want to lose weight, start with losing 25 pounds. If you want to run a marathon, start with a mile. Setting unrealistic goals will almost always result in failure. 

If you already feel like a loser, just keep living vicariously on social media. You'll never be as cool as them.

But look on the bright side, you read My Cousin the Carp and they don't. 

It's going to be a great year for us.